dream last night: same little girl who’s been in my dreams for three nights, maybe 6 years old, last night she asked me to get her nine spools of red and white thread. it was understood she was going to die, so this was like a last request, and much of the dream was spent with me getting distracted and hurrying up to finish doing some other errand before getting her spools to her, though i also sort of just knew she wasn’t going to die until she got them. so looking at it one way it was incredibly self-absorbed and callous to do the other thing first, but from another angle it was kind, as she would stay alive for as long as i took to do this for her. she asked me to get them for her and said then she would show me how to do it…something between stitching and cat’s cradle. i remember having a hard time pulling my look out of the white thread, because it was this intensely like otherworldly beautiful color, not white like paper, somewhere between ivory and snow and almost the tiniest drop of silver in it, which seemed to like glow out from underneath it. and i kept telling myself i had to stop looking at it so i could bring it to her but it was very hard to pull out, because when you looked at it you were somewhere else entirely; it was one of those instant out-of-body colors. it was the kind of color that would go more with a dark red then a primary red, though i don’t remember if the reds were right or not. she was very little but had very old eyes and a wise face, kind of how i picture the little god-girl in VALIS, which i haven’t read in a long time, but she gave that impression. godGirl is a good character name.
Monthly Archives: December 2013
but it took 66 doctors to fix her
after she kissed that snake p.290
okay fine, this book was excellent too, and erleichda is exactly what certain telepathinetic plants seem to like to say.
so far i don’t like jitterbug perfume as much as robbin’s other books, though anything he writes is still better than most, and i’m a fan of the subject matter (immortality and the like). these are my favorite points thus far:
i met two rude characters, one a shaman, one a god, and though each treated me disagreeably in the beginning, one gave me special courage, the other special fear, both of which i require for this journey that i am on.
a person must be prepared to receive wisdom, or else it will do him more harm than good. p.92
if desire causes suffering, it may be because we do not desire wisely, or that we are inexpert at obtaining what we desire. instead of hiding our heads in a prayer cloth and building walls against temptation, why not get better at fulfilling desire? p. 97
but there is a sense in which awareness can be as stagnating as sloth
an overpowering urge to steer in the direction of darkness
if the earth needs night as well as day, wouldn’t it follow that the soul requires endarkenment to balance enlightenment? p. 99
i’m sorry i forgot to bring my homework friday though i did do it, no dog ate it, and nobody really died, ever.
more automatic writing re: a’s cue
the even stranger dangers are the ones that avoid crystallization, never clearly formed, they morph and muddle like malleable mannequins making alliteration their only starting point, diving point, knife point nosebleeds and saving the bees, i wheeze whimsical when sick of it all. i’m sure there’s an avenue worth opening a headlamp onto, don’t be so easily angered= discouraged. for christmas i’ll give you the gift of a cowardly lion, so you can always feel sure of yourself and strong, in that equilibrium way you do how do ya do howdy do, i do, i love you too. (<—i’m wide awake)
-somewhere it all becomes l’eggo my ego.
-i wonder if you know the name of the world, or where to go? i read the book this afternoon. i think it’s all about the van of a florist.
-who doesn’t prefer the orchids? n of course, most importantly, the scattering of identities…
-the home of the toy (the tone), n then the blind girl of course who was watching did the same.
-i let her..
-i know. i’m sorry. i get so scattered, like leaves n orchids, playgrounds, toys, noise, novellas, please- i love you today. the sky has never looked so gray.
taryn made this.
(my lil sister. she animated the faces. she’s supergood at studying faces. she knows more about you than you ever told her. when i used to watch her place in williamsburgh, it was full of these books on how to communicate to others without talking, like in the face. at the time i figured it was because we were sort of socially stunted children, who needed to read about these things in order to figure them out. though it was probably just for the job.)